A Hope and a Goal for 2008

I have a "good" job.

I work 40 hours a week, barring a major emergency (which hasn't happened in the three years and three months I've been here). I have weekends and major holidays off. Pretty good benefits. And last fall, I asked for a salary adjustment and my boss worked hard to give it to me.

All of that said, I'm feeling pretty stagnant. I don't respect this job the majority of the time. I often arrive late and sometimes I leave early. I always procrastinate. I think some people realize I'm a slacker. But I get away with it. And because of this, I am sad and disappointed in myself.

I believe most of this is my fault. I don't have any self-discipline. Well, not much anyway. I don't find ways to challenge myself or work to be an "achiever". I'm definitely an underachiever who's gotten through life on being intelligent and personable. I know this about myself. I can remember very few instances in my life where I ever worked hard - and worked hard the right way - to achieve something and accomplished it. I think a lot of people out there are like me, but I don't want to be like me anymore.

I want to be known as a hard worker. I want to be known as a person who accomplishes. Who people remember first when opportunities arise. I had a manager at a bar where I was a bartender tell me once that if we were on Survivor, he wouldn't throw me off the island. I want every person in my life to think like that.

I also believe that I have created these issues at my job because I don't feel challenged naturally by the job. It's becoming stagnant and I know I don't have a future here - at least one I truly want and see myself in. If my job was a person, it would feel the same about me I think.

Prior to this job, I had a two-year fulltime internship in a similar field. It was longer hours, less pay, but ultimately more challenging and satisfying. I talked to my old boss a while back and mentioned to him that if something should open up there to please let me know. He said that actually they might be adding another new fulltime position and he would keep me in the loop.

I had been considering returning to school in a few years to become a Doctor of Physical Therapy. Sometime I know I would enjoy and something that would challenge me, etc. I still am interested in this, but when my old boss mentioned the possible new position, that really clicked for me.

I see that possible opportunity as a means to be challenged more and move forward. In turn, I know that if I'm going to leave this job, I need to leave it in a much better state than I have it right now.

I truly hope that this new job happens. And then that I have a real shot at it and I get it. But even if I don't, I know that it's time for me to move on to something new before 2009 rolls around. And I have a lot of work to do ...