Brother

I'm going to make a commitment to go work for my brother at least one night a week - Wednesdays. Hopefully twice a week, maybe on Sundays or Mondays?

But last night, I went over there and while he didn't have any work for me, we did start talking about money, our finances, how we're trying to fix our personal finances and then our family situation.

After some real heartfelt conversation for a few hours, we decided that we can work together and use each other as sounding boards for improving our financial health (which will improve our mental, emotional and physical health too!).

We're also going to sit down with a plan and talk with my mom about our lives and then about how she is doing. We want her to know that she doesn't have to be there for us, but that we can be there for her too.

After this, we plan to bring our younger sister into the planning. And then we're going to tackle our dad.

My father has been an alcoholic as far back as I can remember. Until just a few years ago, the four of us had moved away and left him because he would not stop drinking and all of the negative behavior that went with his drinking.

Three years ago, he finally decided to become sober. He moved here and we took him back into the family and he's been sober ever since then. He's found a full-time job and is - in some aspects - a much healthier person.

But my brother and I both agreed last night that while some aspects are okay, our father hasn't changed his mentality and respect level for the people in his lives. It's often like dealing with a beligerent 16-year-old asshole instead of the 60-year-old television Dad we wish we had (Bill Cosby would be my choice!).

He lives with my mom (who divorced him before he got sober) and pays her rent. But he's taken over her house with his hobbies and has created a pretty negative and depressing environment for our mom. We think it's reaching a peak for her mental health in dealing with this everyday. She basically hides up in her room - of her own house - with our family's dogs, rather than dealing with him every day.

So, that is our next step in the planning. My brother and I are going to sit down with our dad and explain that if he wants to stay part of this family, he's got to not only be sober, but he's got to treat people better and be an adult.

The good thing we kept saying to each other, my brother and I, is that overall - big picture - we're doing pretty well. We have good lives, even with all of our debt. And we have our family. And we have lots of blessings. And that this stuff we're dealing with now is going to be much easier than a lot of the crap we've dealt with before (brother also staying sober, his girlfriend getting sober, our parents divorcing, our family falling apart, bad relationships, etc.).

So, in that way, I'm feeling pretty positive about all of this.

I think also that once we get farther along in our sharing process, I will share this blog with my brother and possibly my mom. They know I have debt, but sharing the totals with them would be coming completely clean and help me accomplish part of my goal for 2008 of being honest with myself and others.